Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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