What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
