So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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