You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
