I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Randomize
