You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
