last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
worst night to have a conscience
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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