know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
