Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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