the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
