I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
