So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
