now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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