Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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