End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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