I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
