I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
