The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
