Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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