Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
