I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
