Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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