her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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