I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
