Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
