Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize