All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize