Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
