I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
