also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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