either way he was missing a nipple.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
