Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
