I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
