I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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