i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
