So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize