imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my being single is dangerous.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
