i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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