Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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