Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
