proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
