1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
