Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
