As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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