i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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