My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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