I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my liver is dry heaving
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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