Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
