I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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