life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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