Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
