Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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