where does the pee come out of this thing
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
