so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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