need another drink. this is the easiest way
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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