So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
