Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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