Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize