I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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