I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
