Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
