i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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