I bet he comes in French.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
