So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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