I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
