Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
