smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
