But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
