I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
