I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
