dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
