Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
